Q&A With Anita Cleare: Author of How to Get Your Teenager Out of Their Bedroom

Anita Cleare, author of How to get your teenager out of their bedroom answered a few of my questions about how we can look after ourselves and our families when parenting feels especially overwhelming. Her insightful book is publishing on the 10th September 2024 and is available for pre-order now.

The title of your book is the most commonly asked question you get from parents of teenagers: ‘How do I get my teenager out of their bedroom?’ What were some other contenders?

The questions I get asked most frequently by parents of teens usually revolve around being worried about them one way or another! “How do I get my teenager off their screens?” is a hot topic, plus how to get teenagers to do things we know are good for them (such as studying, exercising and having a good sleep routine) but which they are often very reluctant to do.

Being the parent of a teen can be a worrying time. We care about them so much, and we want the best for them. When teens close up or start withdrawing from family life, it can be hard to know whether they are just going through a normal teenage phase or whether there is something going on that we should be concerned about. The book is all about giving parents information and tools to support teens through this tricky time.

Looking after teenagers can feel like a battle. Do you have any self-care advice for people looking after teenagers?

As parents know we should look after ourselves but finding time or energy to actually do it is never easy. Self-care is especially hard for parents of teens as it’s a time of life when we often have stressful jobs and caring responsibilities for elderly parents (not to mention the challenges of peri-menopause and midlife wobbles!). It’s a period of transition for us as well as our teens.

Simple everyday actions like exercise and healthy eating help a lot, alongside a big dose of humour and friends you can offload on about teenage parenting woes (or just escape with for an evening). Looking to the future and facing the big questions head on about who you are going to be in this next phase of life can sometimes lead to wonderful brave leaps into new hobbies and ambitions.

What sets this book apart from other parenting manuals?

I set out to write a book that was grounded in empathy – both for parents and for teens. Being the parent of a teenager can feel incredibly frustrating, disempowering and hurtful. A lot of parenting books are full of dire warnings about the consequences for our kids if we (or they) get it wrong, which isn’t helpful. Or they contain prescriptions for how we should parent that are fine on paper but just don’t translate when you are living with an actual teenager who refuses to listen to anything you have to say.

My aim was to offer practical advice that is do-able and reassuring. I try to help parents understand their teens a little more and see the world from their perspective, and I walk parents through some concrete ideas for connecting with teens that will help reduce conflict and build a stronger relationship and a more resilient teen. 

Find more tips and resources, How to get your teenager out of their bedroom is available to preorder now. Visit anitacleare.co.uk to learn more about Anita and her work.